How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes: Science-Based Strategies for Better Parenting--from Tots to Teens

How To Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes centres around this very question: How do we raise children who are kind, honest and considerate or in other words, how do we ensure our kids don’t grow up to be assholes?<br /><br />Witty, engaging and informative, this book provides an evidence-based perspectives on how to nurture children to be honest, generous, resilient as well as how to weed out rudeness, arrogance, selfishness, entitlement from their personality. Inside this book, you will also learn about parenting concepts (scaffolding, parenting style, gender creative), key childhood development concepts (theory of mind, attachment theory, social learning theory) and science-backed strategies to help parents deal with particularly challenging parenting issues (pornography, siblings rivalry, screen addiction). <br /><br /><i>“I think of parenting as a 100,000-piece puzzle that you’re trying to put together while also driving, making dinner, and keeping your kids from killing each other."</i><br /><br />Among the key takeaways I’ve gathered from this books are almost 90% of parenting is role modelling. Parents must first become self-aware individuals and model behavior to help influence our children’s character and behavior, because ultimately children learn by imitation. Emphasis on emotional regulation among children is also a constant lesson that the author echoes throughout the book. According to her (and science), understanding the language of emotions is the first step towards developing positive behavior in children. Lastly, talk, talk, talk to your children. No matter how small or trivial or obvious some things may seem to us, we have to remember that children <i>are children</i>. A four-year-old’s world is very, very, very different from that of a thirty-year old.<br /><br />The author notes at the end of the book that parenting is hard. No matter what we do, kids will constantly challenge us because that is how they learn and grow. That said, she reminds us that we can become better parents by educating ourselves, and that what we learn will directly benefit our children. In the words of the author herself: The more we take advantage of these opportunities, the more confident we can be that our children will grow into the kinds of people the world really needs.”<br /><br />Many thanks to Times Reads for gifting me this insightful gem of a book. Appreciate it.

This book has a lot of good and useful information based on a lot of studies and it is written in a very clear and readable way. That said, although it is full of very good info I didn't personally read anything that I hadn't read before. I had heard of may of the studies, so it is just kind of a good amalgamation. <br /><br />If you are new to parenting books then I definitely suggest picking it up but if you have read quite a few already, then I'm sure there is not much new in here for you.

It's funny how so many books about parenting—probably the most demanding and important job that most of us will ever do—are just some person's unproven theories. This book is different. The author has done her research. She read hundreds scientific papers about how kids learn and grow. She interviewed dozens of leading scientists. And she has distilled all this information into a supremely readable (and even funny) book about creating the adults we'd like our kids to grow into: Kind, thoughtful, and happy. Many of her parenting strategies are counterintuitive. But they're all based on the best science. They work.

First I was turned off as a teacher when she spouted facts about children in schools being racist and mean. But once she started talking politics and how politics affects our toddlers and young children, I had to stop reading. Complete liberal trash!

This book has some valuable points. I really liked what it had to say about bullying, lying, and motivation. <br />However, it completely lost me in the chapter on gender. In an attempt to stop the negative influence that traditional gender roles have on kids that are struggling with gender identity, it completely flips gender on it's head as if the entire concept is negative. Stop buying toys that my children enjoy JUST because they are meant for a certain gender? WHAT? My daughter loves makeup, Barbie's, glitter, and unicorns. Not because I've forced it, but because that's what she naturally leans towards. This book is suggesting that I trade all of her girly toys out for gender neutral so that I don't force a gender identity on her. This is ridiculous and honestly, really confusing for kids. <br />I'm an all or nothing kind of reader, and for me, this book had some great points but is not worth recommending based on this chapter alone. You can find similar progressive, holistic parenting in several other places!

It’s a shame. This book had such promise, but absolutely lost me on the chapter on gender. The author puts a couple who allowed their baby to choose its own gender on a pedestal, as the gold standard. Also, talking to your four year old about sex? Pornography is not as bad as parents think? Big yikes. <br /><br />Politically charged leftist parenting advice. Here if you want it. Personally not for me.

This book had some good points ( about bullying and self esteem) but the rest is woke, political trash.

I wanted to like this book. I even took a hiatus to see if that would help. Nope. I’m a big fan of evidence-based parenting but some parts of this book felt like they were part of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t think it’s helpful to blame Trump for behavioral problems in children (seriously??) nor do I think that the pandemic is a good justification for screen time for your toddler. Some of the chapters felt informative, but much of the content felt like a parent trying to feel better about choices they’ve already made. Any research that didn’t fit the author’s viewpoint seemed to be excluded or ignored. There are better evidence-based books out there that aren’t so politically charged or self-righteous.

This book is a funny yet fact-based guide that looks at one of the most important questions we ask as parents: "How do we make sure our kids grow up to be good human beings and not assholes?" Melinda provides parents with scientific-based strategies so we can help shape our kids into kind people. It also outlines the traits we want our kids to have and gives us concrete ways to build those qualities in our kids. <br /><br />There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect kid. So the question becomes: what can we do not bring up assholes. A few strategies stuck out to me. One of the book's big themes is communication and the importance of talking to your kids more. Make them feel like we are someone that they can come to with any question about the world. The author's research shows that talking with our kids can make a difference. If we lean into the tricky topics like sex, pornography, sexism, and racism, kids function much better in the world. It's also important to teach them how to take care of themselves. That means we need to model taking care of ourselves, so they learn self-care. I especially loved reading about the research behind various hot topics like guns, technology, and responsibility, which will help parents effectively address issues and send the message that "kindness matters."<br /><br />To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:<br /><a target="_blank" rel="noopener nofollow" href="https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/melinda-wenner-moyer-how-to-raise-kids-who-arent-aholes">https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/mel...</a><br />

As a clinical psychologist who works with children and families, I am always looking for books to recommend to parents - and for books to improve my own parenting. I read this book cover-to-cover in a couple of days and it is TERRIFIC! It is chock full of both "big picture" information and concrete, targeted guidance for the thorniest of parenting challenges. I love how the author presents her own struggles in a way that helps you feel like you're not the only one wrestling with how to respond in difficult moments. The table of contents gives a great overview of what to expect from each chapter - I especially appreciated the chapters on bullying (3), anti-racism (7), and sibling conflicts (9). The author has a keen ability to translate complex scientific research into relatable and practical guidance. Highly recommend!