My Accidental Jihad

Lovely prose, but not a likeable book. The story of their relationship doesn't build or develop, and the author is so consumingly self-absorbed that we never really understand the love between her and her husband - we never see or feel anything in the book outside HER HER HER. She is admirably frank about her own selfishness, but never engages with it or exhibits any sort of growth process, which is off-putting in a memoir that spans 15 years or so. The beauty of her language would mean more if it were matched to substance.

It's challenging to write a memoir of your marriage while still married to your husband, ostensibly happily, and wanting to keep it that way.<br /><br />In this memoir, Krista describes her transition from all-American young woman to wife and mother, married to a Muslim man, and even visiting his relatives in Libya at one point for the culture shock of her life. Krista is a decent writer who is thoughtful and introspective in my view, though others called her whiny and self-centered. My issue with this book wasn't so much the alleged narcissism (memoirs are inherently narcissistic, aren't they?), especially since Krista in fact had an interesting story to tell as the American wife of a Muslim man, making all sorts of cultural adjustments. My issue was more that I never really got a feel for her husband, Ismail. <br /><br />My sense was that Krista didn't want to embarrass or criticize Ismail in the memoir, which is understandable I suppose. But the result of that is that we never really get to know him, and a lot of his behavior and various incidents are confusing. We learn through the backdoor that Krista and Ismail go to couples therapy, which I guess was predictable given the culture clash, but I never really got a full sense of the particular issues that would drive them to seek help. <br /><br />I was also super confused during the visit to Libya. Feeling smothered by Ismail's vast extended family, Krista asks if they can stay in a hotel. This request would be highly offensive to Ismail's family, a fact Ismail had to have known. And yet, he makes this request of his family and knowingly offends them in order to stick up for Krista. But wait a second. Did Krista and Ismail not discuss sleeping arrangements before the trip? And wouldn't it have come out at some point during these discussions that requesting to stay in a hotel would not be well received? It just didn't make sense. But what was even crazier was when Ismail's relatives asked him how Krista liked their country, and Ismail horrified all of them by stating frankly that she hated it. Did he not know that this would offend them, and not be a revelation Krista wanted to share? Was he that socially clueless? Krista also later reported that she learned to lie to Ismail and to pretend she liked Libya more than she did. So with the Libya trip, lots of inconsistencies and holes that didn't hang together.<br /><br />I get why Krista would want to leave certain details out to protect Ismail's privacy, which may explain some of the confusing moments and inconsistencies as well as the reader's having trouble getting a feel for his personality. That being said, if the whole point of the book was to share her experience of marrying a Muslim as a culture clash and struggle toward mutual accommodation, I would have gotten that far more had she offered more detail and been clearer about things that were going on. <br /><br />On the other hand, I give Krista credit for some honest introspection re. aspects of the culture clash between them which were expressed more openly in the book. I also admire Krista's commitment to working on her marriage with this guy, which by her own admission was no easy task, even if we hear that in an offhand way more than we actually see it. <br /><br />So, three stars. Definitely readable, lots of interesting moments. While the book had the potential to be more enlightening and stimulating than it was, it was a decent read with some food for thought.

This book really resonated with me and I believe this is a book that needed to be written. As a self-proclaimed feminist woman who is "partnered" with an Arab, Muslim man it is good to see a story that is about two everyday people living their lives who just happen to be of different cultures. <br /><br />There have been some commentary in previous reviews who question the book's authenticity of an Muslim man who is truly this "good" and because of that there need to be more stories of people in relationships with Arab and/or Muslim men that highlight the good. Stories of woe and strife, while real and relevant, overshadow the lives of those who do not fit the stereotypical overbearing Muslim man who is set out to control the females in his life. <br /><br />Even if Ismail is not perfect as highlighted in the book, the fact remains that his imperfections he might have are not necessarily because of being Muslim but because he is a human. <br /><br />At the end of the day, all long-term relationships have struggles. No matter if you are from the same culture or if your upbringing is wildly different. But often times through the struggles of understanding you find a gift that could have otherwise gone unseen. <br /><br /><br />

It is difficult to assess a book of this nature as it involves various issues like culture and belief with which one may not be familiar with. But this book is honest, and Krista Bremer has with all sincerity chosen to discuss her life and relationship as she embarked on a journey of unexpected struggle to open her heart and grow beyond herself, and explore a world which lies beyond her comfort zone.<br /><br />Krista Bremer is an American author and the associate publisher of The Sun magazine. She is the recipient of a Pushcart Prize, a Rona Jaffe Foundation Writer’s Award, and a North Carolina Arts Council fellowship. In short, Bremer is no ordinary American. My Accidental Jihad by Krista Bremer is her love story of being married to Ismail, a Muslim who was born in Libya. It is beautiful written, and the story is much more than a cross-cultural marriage. In she writes of her teething troubles, hopes, joy and how her marriage has changed her world perspective.<br /><br />My Accidental Jihad by Krista Bremer is an eye-opening memoir that is insightful and informative. Bremer sensitively handles the cross-cultural issues, and paints a portrait that will open the eyes of many to the world around us.

Once upon a time, a California surfer girl moved to North Carolina to get a graduate degree in journalism and ended up falling in love with Ismail, a Libyan immigrant 15 years her senior. Soon, discovering to her surprise that she was pregnant, she married him. Bremer wisely reflects on the compromises and misunderstandings involved in any marriage – exacerbated, in their case, by the relationship being both intercultural and interfaith. (For me, certainly, marrying an Englishman has had its trials, but at least we share a religion, a native language, and most cultural referents.)<br /><br />She illustrates the challenges particularly well with the annual face-off between Ramadan and Christmas: with self-denial and asceticism on the one hand, and consumerist indulgence on the other. However, their ideological battles were usually fought over their children, Aliya and Khalil – for example, deciding whether to circumcise their son, and agreeing to let their daughter cover her head with a scarf.<br /><br />Another highlight of the memoir is the author’s 2005 trip to Libya, when she was three months’ pregnant with her second child. The country was still under Gaddafi’s rule, and Bremer struggled to adjust, even temporarily, to life lived in a dictatorial regime and to traditional domestic roles for women. She did finally, however, start to understand her husband’s devotion to bartering when she watched him in action at a market stall. Here it seemed appropriate, whereas when he’d haggled over the price of her engagement ring back in North Carolina, she’d been mortified (but it worked!). It was one more example of “the lifelong challenge of our marriage: we assumed we saw the same thing when we observed the world, but our interpretation of what we were looking at would never be the same.”<br /><br />The title is, of course, deliberately provocative, but it’s important to point out (as the author does indeed explain) that <i>jihad</i> (literally, “struggle” or “striving”) is primarily meant in an inward sense: this is not about outward violence, but about the inner battle to do right and obey God. And indeed, over the course of her relationship with Ismail, Bremer starts to appreciate the blessing of submission and the calm of praying multiple times a day. She doesn’t necessarily convert to Islam, but she becomes a lot more receptive to it – much more accepting of its values and rhythms in her daily life. Employing the lyrical language of faith and food, she describes how her attitude towards duty started to change:<br /><br /><blockquote>“I woke early in the morning, rose like a zombie from bed, summoned by the call to prayer of two lords: coffee and the Internet...I wanted to stop mincing time like an onion into tiny, symmetrical units; I wanted the hours to ooze and puddle like syrup, sweet and slow. I wanted my to-do list to evaporate like steam from a kettle.”</blockquote><br />One of the book’s most beautiful moments comes when, eight years on, Krista and Ismail finally host a proper wedding. When Krista found out she was pregnant, they’d gone to a courthouse and exchanged Muslim vows in front of friends, but now they wanted to celebrate their marriage with their community. A musical friend went to great lengths to transport his piano to the field where they were having the ceremony. “Our union felt as incongruous and unexpected as the shimmering black piano resting briefly in the shade of the tree—and it, too, required arduous work for fleeting moments of beauty and communion.”<br /><br />Like the road of faith, marriage is a difficult journey. “Nothing about my life resembled the future I had once imagined—and for years I had grappled with resentment or regret because this path had never been easy.” Yet Bremer adorns the journey with beauty and grace. I look forward to what else she will write.

This is not a typical memoir of a young American woman and her "Jihad" ~ person struggles. She was not born into poverty, she did not have to contend with and overcome physical or emotional infirmities. Rather, this is the straight forward telling of a young woman's journey from a typical young woman doing the things she loves as she grows into a beautifully mindful, loving, and open human being. Much of her growth seems to have been triggered by her love for her Muslim husband from Libya, but the actual transformations - which she recognizes as on-going - is only facilitated by his gentle living of his own values as he allows her to live and share her own values. It is easy to see how the relationship could at times be discordant, but the love they share, and their open-mindedness and open-heartedness which seem to have always been a part of each of them, stimulate personal and spiritual growth in each of them.<br /><br />This is a very well written memoir, a very interesting and eye opening peek into a culture I know so little about. Thank you to the author and the publisher for allowing me read this advance copy!

Good lord this woman's writing is boring, mediocre. To boot, the story was whiny and pointless. No wonder why she writes for O Magazine-it fits right into the majority of articles I have seen in there. I think had I had seen her bio prior to reviewing...I would have passed.

It must be difficult to write about sharing a life with a person from another faith without seeming insensitive. Bremer, an American, is married to Ismail, a Muslim who was born in Libya. She writes movingly about her difficulties understanding some of their cultural and religious differences. I teared up unexpectedly as she wrestled with Libyan expectations for pregnant and nursing mothers (quoting Gaddafi of all people) versus American expectations which, frankly, can wear a woman out. The end, which shows how her daughter is getting older and coming into her own identity, will stay with me for a while. My two complaints about the book are that the beginning was a bit slow and that she makes herself out to be the difficult one and her husband to be more calm and saintly (which was a problem I also noted in Saffron Cross by J. Dana Trent). Like I said, I know it must be hard to write with sensitivity about relationships that cross these cultural and religious lines, but I wished for a little bit more balance. I would probably have given it three stars except I liked the ending so much.

I was so so So excited to read this book because I loved the author's article in Sun Magazine years ago also named My Accidental Jihad. If you have read that, then you know how wonderfully sublime her writing can be. This book pales in comparison to the article. It is an interesting memoir, and she is by all accounts an excellent writer, but I think her strength as a writer lies in exploring the depth of a moment, or series of connected moments. Her writing seems a little watered down because of the large timespan she covers in the book. I wish Goodreads had a half a star, because 3.5 stars is a more accurate reflection of how I feel.

I had a difficult time viewing this book as a "love story." <br />Krista, in my opinion appeared to miss the life she had<br />prior to meeting her husband. Whenever she referred to her <br />life as a wife, it was with complaint and overall negativity.<br />I gave two stars because I liked her writing style but not the<br />story for the most part.