The Helpline

I am so divided over this one. It’s another book about someone with some kind of condition, maybe Aspergers Syndrome.<br />On the good side it is very humorous. Germaine understands herself to a degree and her comments can be wonderfully astute. Many of the situations she finds herself in are entertaining without being uncomfortable.<br />On the bad side some of the situations she finds herself in made me cringe. Events came very close to making people laugh at her, not with her. I wanted to take her home and protect her from evil bosses and duplicitous men.<br />Overall I am going for three stars. It is an enjoyable book, frequently very funny, just sometimes a little too close to the bone.<br />

<b>4.5, as I make a beeline for this Helpline!</b><br /><br />You don’t need to call the help line to pick your next book—this quirky, witty debut by an Australian writer is a feel-good summer read. Seriously, this one is a keeper. If you liked <a href="https://goodreads.com/book/show/31434883.Eleanor_Oliphant_Is_Completely_Fine" title="Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman" rel="noopener">Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine</a> or <a href="https://goodreads.com/book/show/16181775.The_Rosie_Project__Don_Tillman___1_" title="The Rosie Project (Don Tillman, #1) by Graeme Simsion" rel="noopener">The Rosie Project</a>, I’m pretty sure you’ll go nuts over this one. Like the main characters in those books, the star here is a person who seems to be on the autism spectrum (Asperger’s, I’m guessing). <br /><br />The quirk factor is high. Germaine is awkward and weird. She’s a math whiz and a Sudoku champ whose preoccupation with numbers gets her in trouble. She wants to figure out the probability of everything. Even though she acts like a robot, her emotions, of course, do pop up, and usually she doesn’t know what to do with them. Half the time she’s downright obnoxious, but in a quiet way.<br /><br />Germaine’s job is to answer the questions of old farts who call in on the help line. She’s not too crazy about their mundane and often whiny questions—about their pension checks, for example. The book is about office politics, mostly, and it’s funny, folks. People who weren’t friends get tight, things that couldn’t change just might. Germaine is always at the center of the kerfuffles, but then, the story is being told in first person, so it figures. There’s a villain or two, a love interest, delusion, even suspense. I don’t want to say anything more about the plot. I’ll just say that I laughed, in between admiring how witty and often insightful the author is.<br /><br /><b>Favorite quotes (oh, so hard to pick just a few):</b><br /><br /><i>“…[I] consumed them in an office so quiet I could hear the saliva form in my mouth as I chewed.”<br /><br />“It’s not your fault,” said Gladys a total of nine times, all the while dabbing her eyes. Nine is a lot of times to say the same thing.”<br /><br />“Don and I had a bout of quiet thinking time. Then he said he should ‘let me go,’ when I hadn’t even realized he was holding me up.”<br /><br /> “’Relationships between numbers are much simpler than relationships between people,’ I told her.”<br /><br />“And just like that he was gone. Disappeared, leaving me feeling like the remainder in a long-division equation.”</i><br /><br /><b>My very favorite quote (maybe of the whole year):</b><br /><br /><i>“My lowest ebb was the day I looked into the eyes of a butcher, elbow deep in pigs’ tails, and winked.”</i><br /><br /><b>Complaint Board (seriously, these are minor complaints)</b><br /><br /><b>-Would anyone be able to stand her?</b> Face it, Germaine is pretty much a jerk. Yet she has friends who really seem to like her. Is this realistic? She does some really nasty things, sometimes affecting people’s jobs. I don’t think she’d be popular or be easily forgiven in real life. Her fellow characters don’t like her right away; they warm up to her slowly as she starts inadvertently redeeming herself (the warming up happened to this reader, too). So maybe it’s not so far-fetched. And she isn’t being nasty on purpose; she just has OCD and things must be efficient—she doesn’t really consider whether her actions will hurt people. And she doesn’t know when she is being manipulated; she can’t read people. (There! I almost talked myself out of this complaint—that’s how endearing Germaine is!)<br /><br /><b>-More calls, please!</b> I wish we could have seen Germaine talking to more Helpline callers. She is a real riot in the few calls we do get to witness. Her view of the world is so strange, it would be a kick to hear how she went about trying to help people. But I guess that would be a different book.<br /><br /><b>-Nah, a kid wouldn’t say that!</b> There’s a 6-year-old who talks about dumbing down his explanations so that everyone can understand. He also comments on the correct use of “literally.” Come on! I don’t care how precocious he is, this isn’t how a kid talks. Luckily, he has a miniscule role in the book, and those were the only two problems.<br /><br /><b>-Drawings aren’t readable on the Kindle.</b> I had a review copy, though, so the problem might have been fixed by publication date. There are maybe a dozen charts that Germaine draws, and even though I squinted hard, I just couldn’t make them out. Yes, I tried using a larger font, but it didn’t work. Mostly the graphs weren’t dark enough. I really wanted to see them! This isn’t the author’s fault, of course, so she doesn’t get a point subtracted for this one. (Did I just talk about subtracting points? Is Germaine rubbing off on me?)<br /><br />I struggled with my rating. It’s the old “this is sort of lightweight so does it really deserve a 5?” dilemma. But what do I mean by lightweight exactly? It isn’t full of important themes or big words or complex sentences and ideas, but it’s well written, and it’s a rich character study of an oddball, analytical woman whom your grow to love. And damn, this book was witty and wise and most of all FUNNY. Funny carries a lot of weight; funny will make me dole out a 5. So after much twitching, I decided to round up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I realize that a Complaint Board usually doesn’t appear when there are 5 shining stars, but really, the complaints don’t bother me much. And anyway, it’s only because I’m somewhat OCD that I had to list them in the first place. Bottom line: if I totally love a book, if I’m excited to pick it up every single time, if I don’t want it to end, shouldn’t I give it the highest rating?<br /><br />I completely loved the About the Author blurb at the end of the book. It says Collette is a writer and a SEWAGE engineer! Wow, now that’s a coveted job!! Wonder what she does exactly. I looked on the author page on Goodreads; there, it says she’s an environmental engineer. I like the title “sewage engineer” way better. Anyone who has the guts and the humor to call herself a sewage engineer is pretty damn cool! <br /><br />Needless to say, Collette is now on my radar. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with next. Check out this secret gem!<br /><br />Thanks to NetGalley for the review copy.<br /><br />P.S. Germaine fantasizes automating the Help line for efficiency—press 1 for this, press 2 for that, and on and on (until you flip out). In my head I was screaming, NO, please please, NO! Like the rest of the world, when I get caught in the infuriating automated phone-system loop, I get loopy. I question whether I’ll be able to hold on to my sanity after my fights with the phone robots run their course. Phone automation PTSD?<br /><br />Coincidental with my reading the book (or was it the universe playing with me?), a friend was telling me the story of her latest phone experience with a cable company. After calling the company many times and never being able to reach a real person, she Googled how to do it! (The irony of going to an unreal place to learn how to get to a real person just tickles me!) One thing she read that we should do, which I think we’ve all done, is to clobber the “zero” button as fast as you can and as many times as you can. Sometimes it works, and then, ah, the cool-down can begin.<br /> <br />But she also read that you can reach a real person if you cough! COUGH? Are you kidding me? Does that mean the phone gods sense there’s a feeble senior, in fits of coughing, unable to press buttons or follow instructions? I want to know whether it’s just coughing that works. Does sneezing qualify? What about burping? Hell, let’s try less annoying sounds and whistle a tune! (I know for a fact that yelling obscenities doesn’t work.) Anyway, I sort of want to call my cable company’s help line and cough. Will the phone system cough up a human? What would Germaine have to say about this one?

Find all of my reviews at: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener nofollow" href="http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/">http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/</a><br><br><b> <i>“You’re not a serial killer, are you? Because I’ve often wondered.”</i> </b><br><br>When the insurance company Germaine worked for “gave her the flick” she opted for – well, pretty much the only job available to her – answering calls at the Senior Citizens Helpline. Germaine’s dream is to fully automate the system, streamlining the requests so only the ones that should truly be handled by her department make it in. That’s because . . . . <br><br><a href="https://lunapic.com" rel="nofollow noopener"> <img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1566313244ra/28022630.gif" class="gr-hostedUserImg" loading="lazy"> </a><br><br>It’s been that way her entire life. At one point the teacher even had her tested because it was believed she might be gifted. But – nope – turns out she was just . . . . <br><br><a href="https://lunapic.com" rel="nofollow noopener"> <img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1566313244ra/28022631.gif" class="gr-hostedUserImg" loading="lazy"> </a><br><br>Like most of these stories, it can be concluded that Germaine is perhaps on the spectrum, or perhaps just <b>really</b> eccentric. It’s a given that by the end of the story she will learn to interact with other humans, at least on some level . . . . <br><br><b> <i>“Relationships between numbers are much simpler than relationships between people. People are unpredictable; you never know what they’re going to do, you never know what they’re going to say. But numbers? Numbers are reliable.”</i> </b><br><br>This one didn’t quite knock my socks off, which had me a little concerned these stories might be becoming “the next Gone Girl” for me . . . . <br><br><a href="https://lunapic.com" rel="nofollow noopener"> <img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1566313244ra/28022632.gif" class="gr-hostedUserImg" loading="lazy"> </a><br><br>But I think it was simply a case of me not connecting with Germaine. I pretty much had this reaction to her . . . . <br><br><a href="https://lunapic.com" rel="nofollow noopener"> <img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1566313244ra/28022633.gif" class="gr-hostedUserImg" loading="lazy"> </a><br><br>She was just so OBTUSE! Oh, it was infuriating to me. Also . . . . <br><br><a href="https://lunapic.com" rel="nofollow noopener"> <img src="https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1566313244ra/28022634.gif" class="gr-hostedUserImg" loading="lazy"> </a><br><br>Unfortunately for Katherine Collette, my Grinch heart most likely had already grown too many sizes for <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1937850533?book_show_action=false&amp;from_review_page=1" rel="nofollow noopener">Eleanor</a> and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/737904542?book_show_action=false&amp;from_review_page=1" rel="nofollow noopener">Don</a> and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2826751712?book_show_action=true&amp;from_review_page=1" rel="nofollow noopener">Nina</a> and <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2744450838?book_show_action=true&amp;from_review_page=1" rel="nofollow noopener">Andrew </a> in order to fully embrace the quirks of Sudoku-obsessed Germaine. I did fall in love with her mother a bit, though . . . <br><br><b> <i>“She’s your only cousin. Family’s important, no matter how unlikeable they are. Plus, I already said you’d go. It’s okay, you don’t have to buy a present. I’m getting them a Ugandan goat. Well, not them. I’m getting a Ugandan village a goat, and I’ll give Kimberly the certificate.”<br><br>“Sure you’re not just printing a certificate and pocketing the money?”<br><br>“Shut up, Germaine. That was a one-off thing.”</i> </b><br><br>

Germaine Johnson is no Eleanor Oliphant, don’t let them tell you differently. The latter’s awkwardness rose from a wounded heart, the former’s seems to be self aggrandizement. Thanks, but I know enough of those people. No need to call the helpline, at 50% I’ll help myself to a different book.

Quirky and fun, a little reminiscent of Eleanor. Germaine is obsessed with all things numbers and stats. So when she takes a job working on a helpline she approaches it from a mathematical Point of view. As you can imagine this does not always go over well, especially when some of the city politicians are interested in more than the bottom line. Germaine was witty, introverted, and blunt. It was amusing watching her navigate the calls on this helpline. The helpline was for seniors and Jermaine was definitely easily frazzled and frustrated. When Jermaine ended up visiting the senior center you really saw a more human side of her, I really found her quite endearing. A delightful story about a charming character with a lot of quirk and a big heart. Cannot wait to see what is next from Katherine Collette, what a well-done debut.<br /><br />This book in emojis ? ? ??‍♀️ <br /><br />*** Big thanks to atria for my copy of this book ***

*<a target="_blank" rel="noopener nofollow" href="https://mrsbbookreviews.wordpress.com">https://mrsbbookreviews.wordpress.com</a><br />It is with delight that I introduce you to Katherine Collette, a fresh new voice in Australian contemporary fiction. The Helpline is Katherine Collette’s amusing, offbeat and dynamic debut novel, featuring a larger than life lead, Germaine Johnson. The Helpline is a comical and lively rendition to a mathematician who finds herself cast as an unlikely heroine, in a bid to save a local senior citizens centre. The results are both hilarious and endearing.<br /><br />Meet Germaine Johnson, a woman with a passion for anything mathematics related. She loves pie charts, algorithms and the like. What she doesn’t do too well is people. However, when she finds herself unemployed, Germaine takes up a new position on a senior citizens helpline. In this new position, Germaine crosses paths with the local mayor. Germaine is thrust into a top secret project involving the local senior citizens centre. Through this role, Germaine meets Don Thomas, a handsome man who runs the local golf club. What follows is a push-pull story of the struggle to save the senior citizens centre, along with Germaine’s personal journey of self discovery.<br /><br />The Helpline is a story that has an array of positive elements. The overall concept, which is a fish out of water tale of a senior mathematician who finds herself at the forefront of a senior citizens centre scandal, is very entertaining. The lead character, Germaine, is quirky and loveable. Germaine is a character that will soon grow on you. The setting is fantastic and well rendered. While the plot provides plenty of amusement, as well as distraction from everyday life.<br /><br />I turned to The Helpline during a mid-week slump. It was the perfect pick me up. Although it is light and funny, there are insightful, as well as compelling moments. What I also appreciated most about this tale was the opportunity to discover a debut Australian writer and I loved Katherine Collette’s approach. I’m keen to delve into more of her writing in the near future!<br /><br />Collette’s characterisation is warm and genuine. The players in The Helpline, both major and minor, are carefully constructed. I really enjoyed their interactions, reactions and dialogue. It is impossible not to let Germaine into your heart, she may take a little time to warm to, but I enjoyed being a part of Germaine’s pathway to self realisation. This was a special journey and the characters touched by Germaine’s presence were well worth getting to know.<br /><br />What I reaped from my reading of The Helpline was a sense of benevolence, a better understanding of those on the fringes of society and the power of connection. I loved how the book was told from the first person perspective of Germaine Johnson, a woman who in some instances may be viewed as unusual, but Katherine Collette gives this character a chance to shine. I loved the extra touch of the mathematical based diagrams and charts included in the text, which gives us a better appreciation for Germaine’s mode of thinking.<br /><br />As the sticker states on the back of The Helpline, this is a guaranteed great read. Make sure you seek this one out if you need a personal pick me up. Guaranteed laughs all round and a touching character story to match.<br /><br />*I wish to thank Text Publishing for providing me with a free copy of this book for review purposes.<br /><br />The Helpline, is book #117 of the Australian Women Writers Challenge

I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around THE HELPLINE.<br /><br />At first blush it seems like it’s supposed to be a humourous take on a woman who is brought in to oust troublemakers for the local city council, troublemakers who happen to be senior citizens, and in the end.. she ends up switching sides and teaming up with said senior citizens. And.. it’s sorta that? But also a lot of not.<br /><br />It’s never stated in the book if Germaine has Aspergers, or is on the spectrum, but at the very least she’s socially inept and very fact-oriented. She’s also incredibly focused, driven to succeed, and preoccupied with looking good to the higher ups. As a result she’s not given much opportunity to be likeable because the higher ups are shady and manipulative and as a result so is Germaine. She’s also awkward with a neighbour, for no reason but she is, and there’s a lot of judgey hypocrisy in some interactions with other people, too. Most notably women.<br /><br />The cast of seniors are a delight and.. well, that’s honestly all I can say to recommend it. The best parts of this book were when Germaine is navigating the random requests and conversations from the seniors calling in to the helpline. I wish the book had actually spent more time on that.<br /><br />I didn’t find the humour in this I was promised, I wish the representation had been identified, and the ending just kind of baffles me. I’m sure it’s meant to be endearing but honestly I’m just really confused by the whole experience. <br /><br /><br />** I received an ARC from the publisher (thank you!) in exchange for an honest review. **<br /><br />---<br /><br />This review can also be found at <a href="https://atakefromtwocities.home.blog/2019/07/24/the-helpline-by-katherine-collette/" rel="nofollow noopener">A Take From Two Cities</a>.

The Helpline is the first novel by Australian author, Katherine Collette. After four months of unemployment (it’s proving a challenge to keep busy all day), Germaine Johnson is somewhat relieved to take the job that her cousin Kimberley lined up with the Deepdene City Council. While, as a senior mathematician, she considers her position on the Senior Citizens Helpline as well below her qualifications, she’s already collecting data with a view to minimising inefficiencies and streamlining the process. <br /><br />Then Mayor Verity Bainbridge singles her out for a special project: Germaine is sent to the Senior Citizens Centre to settle an ongoing parking dispute with the nearby Fitzsimmons Golf Club. When she discovers just who the owner of the golf club is, she’s eager to resolve the issue, but it turns out not to be a simple matter to sort out. And perhaps some of the parties have hidden agendas?<br /><br />The complication in all of this is that Collette’s protagonist is great with numbers but less so with people. Germaine night be somewhere “on the spectrum”; she certainly has a touch of OCD; she’s often oblivious to social cues; she manages to rationalise poor decisions, allows her infatuation to cloud her judgement, and is sometimes incredibly naïve. But eventually, she does find out what’s truly important in life (and it’s not status, career, money or personal connections).<br /><br />What a wonderfully diverse support cast Collette gives Germaine: a cheating sudoku champion, a manipulative mayor, a grumpy club president, a CWA-prize-winning cook; an activist mother; a very smart six-year-old boy; a creative helpline operator; a manager with a conscience; a persistently friendly neighbour; and a casually clad IT expert.<br /><br />Collette includes plenty of laugh-out-loud humour, but also a few poignant moments. It should come as no surprise to readers that this excellent novel is published by Text Publishing: Germaine Johnson could easily be the cousin of Grace Lisa Vandenberg (Toni Jordan’s “Addition”) and Don Tillman (Graeme Simsion’s “Rosie” series), both also products of Text. Funny and heart-warming, this is a brilliant debut novel and Collette’s further works will be eagerly anticipated.<br />

<i> Thanks to Netgalley and Atria Books for a digital galley in exchange for an honest review</i> <br /><br />This Australian debut from 2018 was a cute read. Germaine Johnson finds herself cut loose from her job at an insurance company, but her cousin manages to find her a job in the mayoral office. Now manning a phone line, Germaine comes into contact daily with senior citizens and the many difficulties they encounter in their daily lives. When the mayor asks Germaine for a favour, she is determined that she'll get the job done. However, Germaine is a lot better with numerical data than she is in navigating human relationships. <b>Be prepared for some cringeworthy moments at both her work and in her personal life.</b> <br /><br />It did take about 27% before I began to pick up a comfortable rhythm with the plot. With strong vibes that are reminiscent of <i> The Rosie Project </i> and <i> Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine </i> , <i> The Helpline </i> offers a glimpse into the life of a straightforward woman who is about to learn a whole lot about herself and others. <br /><br /><br /> I find myself at a 3 rating once again because although I enjoyed the story I felt there were quite a few serious issues Germaine faced that were more on the dramatic side than the comedic side. <br /><br /><br />Goodreads review 15/06/19 <br />Publication Date. 23/07/19

When Germaine Johnson loses her job as a mathematician, she ends up finding work on the council’s Senior Citizen Helpline. It’s not what she wants but she tries to make the best of it. The trouble is while Germaine is good with Sudoku and numbers. She is not so good with people. Still, she tries her best and comes up with ideas which will, in her view, improve the site and make it more efficient. Her ideas cause a bit of trouble but also draw the attention of the Mayor Verity Bainbridge. The mayor gives Germaine a secret project to resolve the trouble between the senior citizens centre president, Celia Brown and the golf club next door. How can Germaine resolve the issues? And what can she do about her neighbour Jin-Jin and her work colleague Jack Bowe who seem, despite brush offs, to want to be friends? <br />I am often not the best sort of reader for humorous books and it took me a little while to get into the swing of this one. The further I got into this book the more I enjoyed it. Though for me it was not hilarious, it is amusing. There may not have been laughs but there were definitely many smiles. Germaine manages to be both aggravating and yet somehow so clueless particularly, but not exclusively, in people skills that I couldn’t help but grow attached to her. <br />The book is light, it’s amusing and yet still manages to cover some thought provoking topics. Anyone who enjoys humour, quirky characters and a feel good read, should enjoy this one. My thanks go to the Text Publishing Company for my copy which I won in their competition. An enjoyable book that I was glad I had the opportunity to read and review. A good fun read.<br />It is also Katherine Collette’s debut novel so it will be interesting to see what she writes next.